1/2—Japanese Tsuba, 1916
2/2—Japanese Tsuba, 1916
Blood
血
Spitting blood
clears up reality
and dream alike
-Sunao
Ditch The Tampon And Re-Wild Your Period
“Contact with menstrual blood turns new wine sour, crops touched by it become barren, grafts die, seed in gardens are dried up, the fruit of trees fall off, the edge of steel and the gleam of ivory are dulled, hives of bees die, even bronze and iron are at once seized by rust, and a horrible smell fills the air; to taste it drives dogs mad and infects their bites with an incurable poison.”
–Pliny The Elder, Natural History: A Selection
Western civilization’s lust for blood has never extended beyond the fetishization of death and gore, shunning the cyclical bloodletting central to the sacred feminine and scorning it as polluted miasma. As such, menstruation is the ultimate taboo. In our culture of ‘no-period’ birth control pills and pharmaceutical cycle suppression, menstrual cycles have become something of an evolutionary anomaly. This is due in part to the stigma of inconvenience and impurity that pervades the way we talk about menstruation, if we dare to talk about menstruation at all. For those of us that prefer to remain feral, oldfangled, and bodaciously bloodied, the options for corralling our crimson flow might seem, at first glance, scanty and stodgy. We have inherited a musty marketplace from the corporate patriarchy dominated by bleached tampons and déclassé disposable pads. Although these moldy oldies are considered the status quo of the $3-billion-a-year feminine care industry, there is no definitive research assuring their long-term use is actually good for our health. One could bleed for thousands of moons without ever encountering the hefty dossier of menstrual products that exist outside the Tampax box. Along with keeping Proctor & Gamble and the military-industrial complex from oozing its slime into your vagina, these alternative menstrual products support womxn-owned businesses, ecological welfare, gynecological health, and the re-claiming of the feminine experience, bringing the stench of blood back into the homestead.
According to The Guardian:
“On any given day, millions of American women are menstruating – and more than half of them are using tampons. What many of those women don’t know is that there is no research that unequivocally declares these feminine hygiene products safe, and independent studies by women’s health organizations have found chemicals of concern like dioxin, carcinogens and reproductive toxins present in tampons and pads. The multi-billion dollar feminine hygiene industry likes to say that the amounts of those toxins in a single tampon is very low. But the average woman who uses tampons will use over 16,800 during the course of her lifetime – and there is almost no data on the health effects of the cumulative use of tampons over a woman’s lifetime.”
Though I disdain the rampant sensationalism of ‘toxins’ and the fear-mongering and shaming (often targeted at women) that comes with such proclamations, I strongly believe that the overuse of conventional tampons poses a serious threat to women’s health. In addition to increasing the risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome by encouraging the bacteria to grow when left inside the vagina for an extended period of time, tampons can also stick to the vaginal walls, especially when blood flow is light, causing tiny abrasions when they are removed that create an environment for bacteria to proliferate. Conventional products also leave behind fibers that can irritate tissue and further cause bladder and vaginal infections, and they absorb the natural fluids and friendly bacteria that enable the vagina to self-regulate. I’ve had a slew of patients that have resolved reproductive health issues ranging from menstrual migraines to pain during intercourse simply by stopping the use of conventional tampons.
Through the years of bloodshed, my vagina has hosted such luminaries as organic cotton tampons, the Diva Cup, and Glad Rags, although these days I remain eternally faithful to my menstrual sponge from Holy Sponge. The righteous gals of Holy Sponge are menstrual priestesses, who ceremoniously ensconce their sponges in ritual moon kits that include two sustainably-harvested sea sponges, organic tea tree oil to disinfect the sponges at the end of each cycle, a cotton bag to hold them tight between uses, and hand-foraged herbs for smudging and bathing. If enshrouding the pliant ostia and oscula of a supple sea creature in your holiest of caverns isn’t romantical enough to woo you away from the tampon forever, here’s a gaggle of other reasons to heed the call to re-wild your period:
+ No peeing on the dastardly dangling string.
+ No drying out the tissues of the vagina.
+ Bloodied, discarded sponges can double as offerings to Cthulhu during a frenzied rite.
+ Sponges are supple and soft, and infinitely more cozy than the brittle bullet of a conventional tampon.
+ With proper care, sponges can be re-used for up to a year of cycling.
+ Sponges are naturally spawning, and replenish themselves when harvested ethically.
+ Sponges are hermaphroditic, and symbolize the divine union of opposites.
+ Sponges are biodegradable, and will return unto the chthonian depths imbued with the seeds of your blood magic.
+ Sponges can be worn during sex if your partner is sheepish about earning their red wings.
Once you decide to break your covenant with the tampon, you will have roughly ½ cup of menstrual blood each mooncycle at your disposal. If you are certain you are free from any bothersome blood-born pathogens, you can begin to explore extending the livelihood of your menstruum through these utilitarian blood rites. Should you decide to re-purpose your menstrual blood like a truly pragmatic bleeder, you will want to store your scarlet sorcery in sterilized jars in the refrigerator, much like a good Rosé. Here are a few re-animation rites you can use to get the most out of your monthly menses:
Harvest Your Stem Cells at the Menstrual Blood Bank
Menstrual blood contains stem cells that have the prodigious property of being able to morph into various other kinds of cells such as cardiac, neural, bone, fat and cartilage, a miraculous feat of incredible protean prowess. Truly the elixir immortelle, menstrual stem cells have similar regenerative capabilities as the stem cells in umbilical cord blood and bone marrow, AND pack the added punch of further incensing the neo-conservative right (because, you know, PERIODS). Cell banking is an emergent technology that cryo-preserves your menstrual blood in a medical setting, for future potential use treating life-threatening diseases such as stroke, heart disease, diabetes, neurodegenerative disease, and ischemic wounds. Clinical trials utilizing stem cells are encouraging and abounding, and are only limited by the religion-poisoned, obstinate worldview of a cringing old-guard patriarchy. To quote the scripture of Oingo Boingo, “From my heart and from my hand, why don’t people understand, my intentions?! Oooh…weird science!”
Concoct Magical Elixirs
The same pluri-potent puissance that is the driving force behind the magic of stem cells can be harnessed in ritual to enchant your brews. Known in alchemy as the ‘Elixir Rubeus,’ menstrual blood possesses a fluid intelligence that has been used by surreptitious sorcerers for aeons to bewitch potions and consecrate talismans. Use a dollop or dram in your kitchen magic (it is particularly strong during the full moon) to open your heart, ignite your will, gestate the seeds of your creative endeavors, fertilize your desires, and commune with your carnal, animalistic self. There is, of course, etiquette and propriety involved in the handing out and ingestion of such rarified kitchen alchemy. Be a classy witch- use your discretion and always exercise good taste.
Take Notes for your Acupuncturist
Traditional Chinese Medicine has a rich and storied tradition of diagnosing systemic patterns in the body through observance of the menstrual cycle. Your blood sends you messages in passenger pigeons of clots and cramps. A well-trained Chinese Medical Physician can interpret the augury of bloodstains and mood swings, and use this knowledge to inform herbal formulas and acupuncture point prescriptions, even for issues not related to your menses! We LOVE when our patients show a pioneering spirit, and take detailed notes on the color, thickness, quantity, and flow of their blood. It helps us craft the best possible treatment protocol to address your unique health needs. Before rinsing your sponge out in the sink, take a moment to ruminate on the nature of your flow, scribbling a few notes before sending it off in a proper Viking funeral down the drain. No pen and paper handy in that urinal? You can use ‘My Moontime Period Tracker’, my favorite cycle-tracking app that allows you to imbue your ebb and flow with sacred sorcery by teaching you how to interpret your cycle signals, take hold of your fertility, and tether your magic to the flow of the moon.
Fertilize Your Garden
Menstrual blood is ripe with the fecund seeds of sex, growth, and death (a garden’s best friends), and is an amazing source of natural nitrogen. With a little research and a few precautions, it can be added to compost as an alternative to synthetic fertilizer. Combine it with a little bone meal for the most heavy metal garden sludge the Dark Gods could ever muster. I wouldn’t necessarily do this if I was currently in the throes of taking antibiotics, pharmaceuticals, or synthetic hormones, as these compounds could taint the vibe of your organic brew.
Add it To Homemade Ink
Create a rubicund mirepoix of beetroots, blackberries, and menstrual blood wrung from your sea sponge to make DIY ink, dripping with the hexxxy hue of bloodied rubies. You can reserve this ink for love spells (boring), or use it for graffiti hexes marking agents of the patriarchy with flaming scarlet letters, or create sigils encoding the magic of destruction.
According to The Guardian:
“On any given day, millions of American women are menstruating – and more than half of them are using tampons. What many of those women don’t know is that there is no research that unequivocally declares these feminine hygiene products safe, and independent studies by women’s health organizations have found chemicals of concern like dioxin, carcinogens and reproductive toxins present in tampons and pads. The multi-billion dollar feminine hygiene industry likes to say that the amounts of those toxins in a single tampon is very low. But the average woman who uses tampons will use over 16,800 during the course of her lifetime – and there is almost no data on the health effects of the cumulative use of tampons over a woman’s lifetime.”
Though I disdain the rampant sensationalism of ‘toxins’ and the fear-mongering and shaming (often targeted at women) that comes with such proclamations, I strongly believe that the overuse of conventional tampons poses a serious threat to women’s health. In addition to increasing the risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome by encouraging the bacteria to grow when left inside the vagina for an extended period of time, tampons can also stick to the vaginal walls, especially when blood flow is light, causing tiny abrasions when they are removed that create an environment for bacteria to proliferate. Conventional products also leave behind fibers that can irritate tissue and further cause bladder and vaginal infections, and they absorb the natural fluids and friendly bacteria that enable the vagina to self-regulate. I’ve had a slew of patients that have resolved reproductive health issues ranging from menstrual migraines to pain during intercourse simply by stopping the use of conventional tampons.
Through the years of bloodshed, my vagina has hosted such luminaries as organic cotton tampons, the Diva Cup, and Glad Rags, although these days I remain eternally faithful to my menstrual sponge from Holy Sponge. The righteous gals of Holy Sponge are menstrual priestesses, who ceremoniously ensconce their sponges in ritual moon kits that include two sustainably-harvested sea sponges, organic tea tree oil to disinfect the sponges at the end of each cycle, a cotton bag to hold them tight between uses, and hand-foraged herbs for smudging and bathing. If enshrouding the pliant ostia and oscula of a supple sea creature in your holiest of caverns isn’t romantical enough to woo you away from the tampon forever, here’s a gaggle of other reasons to heed the call to re-wild your period:
+ No peeing on the dastardly dangling string.
+ No drying out the tissues of the vagina.
+ Bloodied, discarded sponges can double as offerings to Cthulhu during a frenzied rite.
+ Sponges are supple and soft, and infinitely more cozy than the brittle bullet of a conventional tampon.
+ With proper care, sponges can be re-used for up to a year of cycling.
+ Sponges are naturally spawning, and replenish themselves when harvested ethically.
+ Sponges are hermaphroditic, and symbolize the divine union of opposites.
+ Sponges are biodegradable, and will return unto the chthonian depths imbued with the seeds of your blood magic.
+ Sponges can be worn during sex if your partner is sheepish about earning their red wings.
Once you decide to break your covenant with the tampon, you will have roughly ½ cup of menstrual blood each mooncycle at your disposal. If you are certain you are free from any bothersome blood-born pathogens, you can begin to explore extending the livelihood of your menstruum through these utilitarian blood rites. Should you decide to re-purpose your menstrual blood like a truly pragmatic bleeder, you will want to store your scarlet sorcery in sterilized jars in the refrigerator, much like a good Rosé. Here are a few re-animation rites you can use to get the most out of your monthly menses:
Harvest Your Stem Cells at the Menstrual Blood Bank
Menstrual blood contains stem cells that have the prodigious property of being able to morph into various other kinds of cells such as cardiac, neural, bone, fat and cartilage, a miraculous feat of incredible protean prowess. Truly the elixir immortelle, menstrual stem cells have similar regenerative capabilities as the stem cells in umbilical cord blood and bone marrow, AND pack the added punch of further incensing the neo-conservative right (because, you know, PERIODS). Cell banking is an emergent technology that cryo-preserves your menstrual blood in a medical setting, for future potential use treating life-threatening diseases such as stroke, heart disease, diabetes, neurodegenerative disease, and ischemic wounds. Clinical trials utilizing stem cells are encouraging and abounding, and are only limited by the religion-poisoned, obstinate worldview of a cringing old-guard patriarchy. To quote the scripture of Oingo Boingo, “From my heart and from my hand, why don’t people understand, my intentions?! Oooh…weird science!”
Concoct Magical Elixirs
The same pluri-potent puissance that is the driving force behind the magic of stem cells can be harnessed in ritual to enchant your brews. Known in alchemy as the ‘Elixir Rubeus,’ menstrual blood possesses a fluid intelligence that has been used by surreptitious sorcerers for aeons to bewitch potions and consecrate talismans. Use a dollop or dram in your kitchen magic (it is particularly strong during the full moon) to open your heart, ignite your will, gestate the seeds of your creative endeavors, fertilize your desires, and commune with your carnal, animalistic self. There is, of course, etiquette and propriety involved in the handing out and ingestion of such rarified kitchen alchemy. Be a classy witch- use your discretion and always exercise good taste.
Take Notes for your Acupuncturist
Traditional Chinese Medicine has a rich and storied tradition of diagnosing systemic patterns in the body through observance of the menstrual cycle. Your blood sends you messages in passenger pigeons of clots and cramps. A well-trained Chinese Medical Physician can interpret the augury of bloodstains and mood swings, and use this knowledge to inform herbal formulas and acupuncture point prescriptions, even for issues not related to your menses! We LOVE when our patients show a pioneering spirit, and take detailed notes on the color, thickness, quantity, and flow of their blood. It helps us craft the best possible treatment protocol to address your unique health needs. Before rinsing your sponge out in the sink, take a moment to ruminate on the nature of your flow, scribbling a few notes before sending it off in a proper Viking funeral down the drain. No pen and paper handy in that urinal? You can use ‘My Moontime Period Tracker’, my favorite cycle-tracking app that allows you to imbue your ebb and flow with sacred sorcery by teaching you how to interpret your cycle signals, take hold of your fertility, and tether your magic to the flow of the moon.
Fertilize Your Garden
Menstrual blood is ripe with the fecund seeds of sex, growth, and death (a garden’s best friends), and is an amazing source of natural nitrogen. With a little research and a few precautions, it can be added to compost as an alternative to synthetic fertilizer. Combine it with a little bone meal for the most heavy metal garden sludge the Dark Gods could ever muster. I wouldn’t necessarily do this if I was currently in the throes of taking antibiotics, pharmaceuticals, or synthetic hormones, as these compounds could taint the vibe of your organic brew.
Add it To Homemade Ink
Create a rubicund mirepoix of beetroots, blackberries, and menstrual blood wrung from your sea sponge to make DIY ink, dripping with the hexxxy hue of bloodied rubies. You can reserve this ink for love spells (boring), or use it for graffiti hexes marking agents of the patriarchy with flaming scarlet letters, or create sigils encoding the magic of destruction.
“The great mother whom we call Innana gave a gift to woman that is not known among men, and this is the secret of blood. The flow at the dark of the moon, the healing blood of the moon’s birth - to men, this is flux and distemper, bother and pain. They imagine we suffer and consider themselves lucky. We do not disabuse them.
In the red tent, the truth is known. In the red tent, where days pass like a gentle stream, as the gift of Innana courses through us, cleansing the body of last month’s death, preparing the body to receive the new month’s life, women give thanks — for repose and restoration, for the knowledge that life comes from between our legs, and that life costs blood.”
– Anita Diamant, The Red Tent
Vaginal Steaming:
DIY Healthcare for Body Autonomy + Reproductive Health
Be it by hook, crook, Depo-Provera, or deodorized douche, the all-pervasive monotheistic religious hegemony has spent the last 2000 years convincing women that life sprang from Adam’s Rib, selling us on the lie that the vagina is a bothersome vessel for pain, shame, stench, bewilderment, male pleasure, and vulnerability. Scared silly by the sacred sorcery of the womb, our topsy-turvy culture has tried to stifle its innate ecstatic capabilities, obstructing its shamanic power by handing our health over to doctors, pharmaceutical companies, advertising agencies, corporations, and various trained henchmen of the uninformed patriarchy. Before the culture of the yearly Pap smear, women had a slew of secrets for protecting and enshrining our palaces. We communed with the moon, and tracked our cycle in the ebbs and flows of its shadow. We listened to the language of our sacred secretions, knowing which herbs to take to fight infection, stop bleeding, treat infection, and prevent or promote pregnancy. We tethered our circadian rhythms to ritual, using ecstatic rites to harness the guttural and sacred power of our cycles, evoking power and transformation for both ourselves and our kinfolk. As the sole gatekeepers of ancient medical arcana, we were self-governing gynecologists in our own right.
Throwing brevity out the window, I could wax poetic for miles on the suppression of shamanistic ecstasy and the rise of the patriarchal hegemony (if that gets you all weak in the knees, do consult the Oracle Of Terence McKenna, stat), but I’ll let you fall down that rabbit hole on your own accord. Rather than lamenting the loss of the sacred feminine, I’ll offer up my most hallowed rite for celebrating body autonomy, an old school ritual of reclaiming and rejoicing in your womb.
Vaginal steaming, known as Chai-Yok in traditional Korean medicine, has been used for centuries to cleanse, strengthen, fortify, and sanctify the Palace of Blood. I use it frequently, to stave off a lifetime of reliance upon institutionalized healthcare and gynecological practices that shut down the body’s innate intelligence. A staple of midwifery and folk medicine in regions as diverse as Asia, Egypt, and South America, V-Steaming is now offered for $40-$120 a pop at MILF-y spas in most metropolitan locales. The perfect anecdote to wily gynecological issues that hover in the periphery, both persnickety and pernicious, steaming brings oxygenation and heat to the womb, dispelling cold and stagnation in the body whilst cleansing, nourishing, and healing the oft-ignored tissues of the reproductive system. Squatting over a steaming cauldron of herbs has benefits both meditative AND medicinal. Practical and primordial, the bewitching vapors bring energy and exaltation to the dark, sibylline corridors of our body and our nature, places where patterns get stuck and troubles tend to stagnate. Steaming is an effective pain reliever that moves blood, aids in tissue repair, strengthens the female sexual organs, ignites sex drive, prevents and heals infection, and reduces inflammation. The ritual itself is a high falutin’ heathen hootenanny, fit for both guttural goddesses and citified gentility alike. If you are curious about how to address urogenital health at home along with your current healthcare regime, steaming could inject a hearty dose of joie de vivre into your Blood Palace and aid in the following conditions:
• Infertility
• Postpartum Health
• Uterine Fibroids
• PMS
• Menstrual Cramps
• Irregular Menstruation (long, short, or absent monthly menses)
• Blood Clots (or dark, brown, scanty blood during menses)
• Pain During Intercourse
• Uterine/Bladder Weakness and Prolapse
• Miscarriage
• Ovarian Cysts
• PCOS
• Constipation
• Vaginal Dryness
• Endometriosis
• Hemorrhoids
• Bladder and Yeast Infections
• Ingrown hairs on the bikini line
• Scarring and adhesion from childbirth, hysterectomies, and laparoscopies
• Sensation of cold in the abdomen
• Sexual Trauma
Though gentle and painless, steaming should be avoided if you are pregnant (or after ovulation if you are currently engaged in conceiving), bleeding heavily, use an IUD, have an acute infection (systemic or local), or have vaginal sores, blisters, or open wounds. If your current state of health & robustness is ever in question, DO consult with a suitable health care purveyor before engaging in any shenanigans. Body awareness is tantamount to body autonomy, so always be mindful and well informed. Keeping with the times, I must incant the following mantra, making it loud and clear to the powers that be that everything I offer here is for educational purposes only:
Throwing brevity out the window, I could wax poetic for miles on the suppression of shamanistic ecstasy and the rise of the patriarchal hegemony (if that gets you all weak in the knees, do consult the Oracle Of Terence McKenna, stat), but I’ll let you fall down that rabbit hole on your own accord. Rather than lamenting the loss of the sacred feminine, I’ll offer up my most hallowed rite for celebrating body autonomy, an old school ritual of reclaiming and rejoicing in your womb.
Vaginal steaming, known as Chai-Yok in traditional Korean medicine, has been used for centuries to cleanse, strengthen, fortify, and sanctify the Palace of Blood. I use it frequently, to stave off a lifetime of reliance upon institutionalized healthcare and gynecological practices that shut down the body’s innate intelligence. A staple of midwifery and folk medicine in regions as diverse as Asia, Egypt, and South America, V-Steaming is now offered for $40-$120 a pop at MILF-y spas in most metropolitan locales. The perfect anecdote to wily gynecological issues that hover in the periphery, both persnickety and pernicious, steaming brings oxygenation and heat to the womb, dispelling cold and stagnation in the body whilst cleansing, nourishing, and healing the oft-ignored tissues of the reproductive system. Squatting over a steaming cauldron of herbs has benefits both meditative AND medicinal. Practical and primordial, the bewitching vapors bring energy and exaltation to the dark, sibylline corridors of our body and our nature, places where patterns get stuck and troubles tend to stagnate. Steaming is an effective pain reliever that moves blood, aids in tissue repair, strengthens the female sexual organs, ignites sex drive, prevents and heals infection, and reduces inflammation. The ritual itself is a high falutin’ heathen hootenanny, fit for both guttural goddesses and citified gentility alike. If you are curious about how to address urogenital health at home along with your current healthcare regime, steaming could inject a hearty dose of joie de vivre into your Blood Palace and aid in the following conditions:
• Infertility
• Postpartum Health
• Uterine Fibroids
• PMS
• Menstrual Cramps
• Irregular Menstruation (long, short, or absent monthly menses)
• Blood Clots (or dark, brown, scanty blood during menses)
• Pain During Intercourse
• Uterine/Bladder Weakness and Prolapse
• Miscarriage
• Ovarian Cysts
• PCOS
• Constipation
• Vaginal Dryness
• Endometriosis
• Hemorrhoids
• Bladder and Yeast Infections
• Ingrown hairs on the bikini line
• Scarring and adhesion from childbirth, hysterectomies, and laparoscopies
• Sensation of cold in the abdomen
• Sexual Trauma
Though gentle and painless, steaming should be avoided if you are pregnant (or after ovulation if you are currently engaged in conceiving), bleeding heavily, use an IUD, have an acute infection (systemic or local), or have vaginal sores, blisters, or open wounds. If your current state of health & robustness is ever in question, DO consult with a suitable health care purveyor before engaging in any shenanigans. Body awareness is tantamount to body autonomy, so always be mindful and well informed. Keeping with the times, I must incant the following mantra, making it loud and clear to the powers that be that everything I offer here is for educational purposes only:
This information has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
This information is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Consult a qualified health care professional if you think you may have a medical condition.
The benefit to steaming at home outside of the confines of a bougie spa, is that you can get down & dirty with the purely ritualistic aspect of cleansing your nethers atop a makeshift throne of chairs and blankets. Liberated from an infinite loop of stodgy spa jamz, you can undulate to black metal or Brian Eno, and shake, scream, chant, trance, and seidr to your little heart’s content. You can anoint yourself as Priestess of the Blood Palace, and consecrate your sex organs through a shamanic journey into your own womb. Use the steam to track sensation in your nebulous sexual matter. What arrows and wounds can you remove and heal? What would you like to plant in your sanguine shrine to gestate and grow? V-Steaming nearly BEGS you to invoke your favorite fertility goddess. Perhaps honor Coatlicue, the Aztec goddess who gave birth to the moon and stars. You can give birth to your own moon and stars, dissolving into primordial nothingness and re-constellating inside a Cosmic Egg containing the raw DNA of your new, intentional universe. Sitting regal atop your throne, you can chose to worship your womb and release old trauma, imagining the steam is the magic milk of the goddess Isis, imparting divinity and healing like it did for the witch cults of ancient Egypt. Perhaps invoke the priestess physician Sekhmet in a purification rite to drive out and destroy malignant forces. Or, adorn yourself in feathers fit for shamanic flight, retrieving information from the netherworlds about a womb-related health quandary that you long to address. Maybe you’d like to turn this into a protective rite, to ensure that various institutional ignoramuses keep their grubby paws off of your vagina (here’s lookin’ at you, SCOTUS!), and stop treating your body as the property of their dubious enterprises. The possibilities are as infinite as your own sense of adventure. In my experience, ‘magic is effective together with medicine, medicine is effective together with magic.’ That’s real talk pulled straight from an ancient Egyptian papyrus on healing, a culture revered for their sophisticated, efficacious, and nuanced medical care. Whatever you fancy for your nethers, throw in a flourish of intention and will, deepening the medicine by allowing the steam to impregnate you with the seeds of your desired self.
Herbal Allies
Traditionally, herbs were chosen by village folk healers and midwives based on their magical and medicinal properties, taking into account what was in season and the specific needs of their patient. The basic recipe calls for 1 cup of dried herbs to 8 cups of purified water, and if you fancy a forage, do make sure the herbs haven’t been sprayed with any god-awful malarkey. In my practice, I specifically tailor my herbal formula to what condition I am working with (pregnancy? cramping? pain?), adding my mojo to a base of mostly Mugwort and Wormwood. My favorite recipe includes equal parts of the following constituents:
Mugwort: Sacred to both Hecate, patroness of herbalists and midwives, and Artemis, the moon huntress who presides over women in labor, Mugwort is a uterine stimulant that can restore a woman’s natural moon cycle with a wave of her weedy wand. Bar none for regulating the menses, she simultaneously eases menstrual bleeding in cases of excessive blood loss, whilst stimulating menstrual discharge in cases of scanty flow and amenorrhea. A natural antibiotic & antifungal, Mugwort protects the uterus from ulcers and tumors, eases painful menstruation, prevents miscarriage, and expels cold and stagnation from the womb. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, we light bundles of dried Mugwort over acupuncture points to expel cold and warm the meridians, healing a myriad of conditions by leading to a smoother flow of blood and qi.
Wormwood: Antifungal and antibacterial, this cherished herb of Poets and Priestesses alike rids the body of toxins, cools the blood, heals wounds, relieves spasms, and strengthens sexual desire.
Rosemary: A tonic, astringent, diaphoretic, and stimulant, Rosemary increases circulation to the reproductive organs, relaxes nerves, eases muscular pain, stimulates the immune system, purifies the reproductive tract, and prevents infection.
Lavender: Known as the Swiss Army Knife of Herbs, Lavender cools inflammation, is antiseptic, aromatic, and antispasmodic, and particularly shines for chronic infections, relieving muscle spasms & cramping, regenerating cells, preventing scarring, and lifting the spirits.
Rose Petals: Sacred to Aphrodite, this female tonic is an anti-inflammatory and aphrodisiac. Cooling, gentle and astringent to the tissues of the genitals, Rose increases menstruation, heals skin, balances hormones, and calms tension.
Marshmallow Root: Not necessary for all V-steamers, but excellent to sprinkle in if you’re having a bout of vaginal dryness. Marshmallow relieves irritation by coating skin surfaces, and is a gem for those that experience a sensation of ‘rawness’ in the nethers, or burning with urination.
Mugwort: Sacred to both Hecate, patroness of herbalists and midwives, and Artemis, the moon huntress who presides over women in labor, Mugwort is a uterine stimulant that can restore a woman’s natural moon cycle with a wave of her weedy wand. Bar none for regulating the menses, she simultaneously eases menstrual bleeding in cases of excessive blood loss, whilst stimulating menstrual discharge in cases of scanty flow and amenorrhea. A natural antibiotic & antifungal, Mugwort protects the uterus from ulcers and tumors, eases painful menstruation, prevents miscarriage, and expels cold and stagnation from the womb. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, we light bundles of dried Mugwort over acupuncture points to expel cold and warm the meridians, healing a myriad of conditions by leading to a smoother flow of blood and qi.
Wormwood: Antifungal and antibacterial, this cherished herb of Poets and Priestesses alike rids the body of toxins, cools the blood, heals wounds, relieves spasms, and strengthens sexual desire.
Rosemary: A tonic, astringent, diaphoretic, and stimulant, Rosemary increases circulation to the reproductive organs, relaxes nerves, eases muscular pain, stimulates the immune system, purifies the reproductive tract, and prevents infection.
Lavender: Known as the Swiss Army Knife of Herbs, Lavender cools inflammation, is antiseptic, aromatic, and antispasmodic, and particularly shines for chronic infections, relieving muscle spasms & cramping, regenerating cells, preventing scarring, and lifting the spirits.
Rose Petals: Sacred to Aphrodite, this female tonic is an anti-inflammatory and aphrodisiac. Cooling, gentle and astringent to the tissues of the genitals, Rose increases menstruation, heals skin, balances hormones, and calms tension.
Marshmallow Root: Not necessary for all V-steamers, but excellent to sprinkle in if you’re having a bout of vaginal dryness. Marshmallow relieves irritation by coating skin surfaces, and is a gem for those that experience a sensation of ‘rawness’ in the nethers, or burning with urination.
Supplies
1 cup of dried herbs, or 1 quart of fresh herbs. Though I love the dickens outta them, essential oils should NOT be used for steaming, as they could easily irritate sensitive genital tissues.
8 cups of purified water, boiled.
Large pot with lid, suitable to hold your steaming herbal brew. A crockpot is excellent to transfer your boiling water into, as it retains heat for longer periods of time.
Two wooden chairs that you will balance your sweet cheeks betwixt. For routine steaming, you can cajole a carpenter friend with a scroll saw into making you a special steaming chair, with a hollowed out center for the steam to rise through. Or, if you’re a fancy pants, you can invest in a right & proper U-shaped medical chair, like this hot little number from Amazon.
Blankets to ensconce yourself in once seated.
Warm clothes to cover your neck and feet. These ensure that the healing ringlets of heat get trapped deep within the body, where they can work their magic and mojo.
Suitable ritual adornments for your magical fête.
A nearby bed to retire to après steaming.
8 cups of purified water, boiled.
Large pot with lid, suitable to hold your steaming herbal brew. A crockpot is excellent to transfer your boiling water into, as it retains heat for longer periods of time.
Two wooden chairs that you will balance your sweet cheeks betwixt. For routine steaming, you can cajole a carpenter friend with a scroll saw into making you a special steaming chair, with a hollowed out center for the steam to rise through. Or, if you’re a fancy pants, you can invest in a right & proper U-shaped medical chair, like this hot little number from Amazon.
Blankets to ensconce yourself in once seated.
Warm clothes to cover your neck and feet. These ensure that the healing ringlets of heat get trapped deep within the body, where they can work their magic and mojo.
Suitable ritual adornments for your magical fête.
A nearby bed to retire to après steaming.
When To Steam
Most women will benefit from a hearty steam 1-5 days before their period arrives. For those looking to enhance fertility, I love these V-Steam guidelines from the CNY Fertility Center:
1. If you are in a natural cycle, steam once within a few days after your period, and then once just before ovulation but before intercourse.
2. If you are taking Clomid, steam once when you first start your Clomid medication, and then once just before ovulation but before intercourse/IUI. A side effect of Clomid may be a decrease in cervical mucous. The steam will help increase this mucous.
3. If you are doing an injectable IUI cycle, steam once when you first begin your stimulation drugs, and then once in the morning before your IUI procedure. Steaming before your IUI procedure helps to liquefy the cervical mucous and creates a lubricated path for the insertion of the catheter through the cervix.
4. If you are doing an IVF cycle, steam once when you first begin your stimulation drugs, and then once in the morning before your transfer. Steaming before your transfer procedure helps to create a lubricated path for the insertion of the catheter through the cervix.
5. If you are doing a donor egg cycle, steam once while your donor is stimulating and then once in the morning before your transfer.
1. If you are in a natural cycle, steam once within a few days after your period, and then once just before ovulation but before intercourse.
2. If you are taking Clomid, steam once when you first start your Clomid medication, and then once just before ovulation but before intercourse/IUI. A side effect of Clomid may be a decrease in cervical mucous. The steam will help increase this mucous.
3. If you are doing an injectable IUI cycle, steam once when you first begin your stimulation drugs, and then once in the morning before your IUI procedure. Steaming before your IUI procedure helps to liquefy the cervical mucous and creates a lubricated path for the insertion of the catheter through the cervix.
4. If you are doing an IVF cycle, steam once when you first begin your stimulation drugs, and then once in the morning before your transfer. Steaming before your transfer procedure helps to create a lubricated path for the insertion of the catheter through the cervix.
5. If you are doing a donor egg cycle, steam once while your donor is stimulating and then once in the morning before your transfer.
How To Steam
1. Arrange your steam shrine in a quiet place where you can get down and dirty. Suit up in your ritual garb (keeping your neck and feet covered), being sure to remain pantsless or sans-culottes, as they say in France. Create your throne by placing two wooden chairs far enough apart for the gentle tendrils of steam to penetrate your nethers, with a nice spot between them to place your bowl of herbs (you may want to use a placemat if you have dainty hardwood floors). If you’re using a crockpot, plug it in now so that it’s nice and toasty when it’s time to pour your brew. Kick up the jams, consecrate your herbs with your intention, and work your magic and mojo.
2. Drape a warm blanket over your chair, so that you don’t have to fuss about once it’s time to steam.
3. Place your purified water and herbs in a covered pot, and bring to a soft, rolling boil for roughly 5 minutes. This is a stellar time for incantations, or a cathartic Bacchanalian dance party.
4. Turn off the heat, and steep your brew for another five minutes with the lid on. You can wrap the pot in a dishtowel to further hold in the heat if you so desire. When ready, place it next to your steam shrine.
5. Pour half of the water into your bowl or crockpot, waving your hand about 10 inches over the water to ensure the steam is not hot enough to burn your precious parts.
6. Finally, sit atop your throne, tilting your pelvis and posture for maximum steam action. This requires some show-ponying around, and will be different for every pelvis. Ensconce your low body in the blanket, making sure no steam is escaping through the pesky crevasses. Should the steam be too much for you, you can control the temperature by venting the blanket as you so desire. This should be pleasantly intense, but not painful or burn-y in the slightest. Be very mindful, especially if you’re in an altered state or meditative trance.
7. Allow yourself to stew in the vexing vapors for about 10-12 minutes, or until the heat wanes to tepid and/or ho-hum.
8. Dispose of your wan waters, and replenish with the remaining herbal infusion from the stewing pot. If need be, reheat the brew until steaming. Then, be a dear and repeat steps 5-7.
9. Retire to the bedchamber, and seal the rite under a pile of warm blankets, relaxing and rejoicing in your resilient, rejuvenated womb.
10. Be mindful of your vagina in the days and weeks to come, being sure to check in with the state of affairs hither and thither. You should expect changes in your vaginal discharge and menstruation, signaling that cleansing and healing is transpiring.
Many women won’t blink an eye at the ritual of a monthly wax, but rarely ever invest in their vaginas outside of a vajazzle or a finessing. Seeing as our reproductive rights and body autonomy are under savage attack on nearly all fronts these days, it is more important now than ever that we reacquaint ourselves with our biology, and reclaim our unalienable health by shifting to a paradigm of self-care. Your reproductive health is your birthright, learn to lasso it’s capricious curves!
2. Drape a warm blanket over your chair, so that you don’t have to fuss about once it’s time to steam.
3. Place your purified water and herbs in a covered pot, and bring to a soft, rolling boil for roughly 5 minutes. This is a stellar time for incantations, or a cathartic Bacchanalian dance party.
4. Turn off the heat, and steep your brew for another five minutes with the lid on. You can wrap the pot in a dishtowel to further hold in the heat if you so desire. When ready, place it next to your steam shrine.
5. Pour half of the water into your bowl or crockpot, waving your hand about 10 inches over the water to ensure the steam is not hot enough to burn your precious parts.
6. Finally, sit atop your throne, tilting your pelvis and posture for maximum steam action. This requires some show-ponying around, and will be different for every pelvis. Ensconce your low body in the blanket, making sure no steam is escaping through the pesky crevasses. Should the steam be too much for you, you can control the temperature by venting the blanket as you so desire. This should be pleasantly intense, but not painful or burn-y in the slightest. Be very mindful, especially if you’re in an altered state or meditative trance.
7. Allow yourself to stew in the vexing vapors for about 10-12 minutes, or until the heat wanes to tepid and/or ho-hum.
8. Dispose of your wan waters, and replenish with the remaining herbal infusion from the stewing pot. If need be, reheat the brew until steaming. Then, be a dear and repeat steps 5-7.
9. Retire to the bedchamber, and seal the rite under a pile of warm blankets, relaxing and rejoicing in your resilient, rejuvenated womb.
10. Be mindful of your vagina in the days and weeks to come, being sure to check in with the state of affairs hither and thither. You should expect changes in your vaginal discharge and menstruation, signaling that cleansing and healing is transpiring.
Many women won’t blink an eye at the ritual of a monthly wax, but rarely ever invest in their vaginas outside of a vajazzle or a finessing. Seeing as our reproductive rights and body autonomy are under savage attack on nearly all fronts these days, it is more important now than ever that we reacquaint ourselves with our biology, and reclaim our unalienable health by shifting to a paradigm of self-care. Your reproductive health is your birthright, learn to lasso it’s capricious curves!
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